Reframing the British Muslim Marriage Mindset – led by Sister Sondoss

Greetings & Salaams Please read the following text carefully and in its entirety.

The aim of this event (and possibly follow-up sessions given the long list of issues) is to help each other; to see if we can network and open-up potential opportunities for ourselves and each other and to discuss the fundamental matters in finding a suitable spouse and staying married!! Kindly note that we are just individuals who have put considerable effort and resources into curating our events (at our own expense) so please only book if you are seriously committed to attending as a ‘no show’ will mean depriving someone else of a seat and will impact on seating and catering arrangements.

1. You must do 2 things to get on to our guest list: a) register on Eventbrite AND b) send a follow-up email asap to [email protected] confirming your definite attendance.

2. We aim to start the event promptly at 12.45 pm so please be seated by 12.30 pm.

3. Covid and flu: Please do not attend if you are experiencing flu/covid symptoms or tested covid positive or have been in contact with someone with covid. Lateral flow tests on the day, face masks, hand sanitizing…. you know the drill!

4. Open to all but most people attending will be Muslim.

5. We want everyone to feel relaxed without fear of being judged or undermined and courtesy and respect will be expected at all times.

6. No responsibility is taken for any attendee or their conduct. However, we will not tolerate rudeness or inappropriate behavior and we reserve the right, without explanation, to cancel any booking, refuse entry or require any attendee to leave the event.

7. There is no separate prayer room at the venue so please make your own arrangements if you wish to pray.

8. This is not a Muslim matrimonial matchmaking event but if you happen to meet someone who may be compatible … great! You do so, however, at your own risk. We cannot accept any responsibility for the character, integrity, and conduct of attendees subject to point 6 above – there is no vetting process.

9. No recording of any kind (including but not limited to audio, video, or written recordings) of any part of this event will be allowed. No photos or any representation of any part of this event will be allowed. No journalists, commentators, columnists, press reporters, editors, or any media employee or representative or agent or anyone acting under their instructions allowed.

POSSIBLE DISCUSSION TOPICS: (Some topics will overlap)

Why are so many Muslims in their late 30s,40s, 50s,60s single?

Why do you want to get married (or married again)?

Are we focusing on what the other person can offer us in a coldly clinical, business-like, materialistic, and purely functional way? Is this the right approach?

Are you scared that the inner peace you currently enjoy as a single individual could be jeopardized by having another human being in your life?

Miscommunication: When we meet someone for the first time are we saying the wrong things and sending out the wrong signals?

Are we cutting people off abruptly without getting to know them, prompting us to draw conclusions that may well have no basis in fact?

Do we sometimes judge another person’s entire personality based on a single disagreeable comment possibly uttered unintentionally as a result of nervousness?

How important are conversation and the ability to talk and laugh with each other? What about the old adage, “Opposites attract”?

Have we bothered to learn about the nature and sensitivities of the opposite gender? Do women have softer hearts than men? Where do we go to get information?

The Quran states the principal reason for marriage is to occasion love, tranquillity & mercy in our hearts for each other. Is Society structured in such a way that we are unable, unwilling, or encouraged not to express unconditional love & affection for one another?

Do some men see women simply as a ‘womb’ or baby carrying vessel? Do some women act rashly in their search for a spouse due to the ‘biological clock ‘ syndrome potentially condemning themselves, in their haste, to a life of marital misery?

How important is that ‘spark’ ‘click ‘ or chemistry? Does the ‘click’ determine whether a marriage will be a happy loving long-lasting one?

What is a soul mate? If that ‘soul connexion’ does not happen instantly is that an immediate deal-breaker or is it something that develops over time?

“It’s better to marry someone who is academically educated and professional as they are far more civilized, decent, trustworthy, well mannered, committed, and have a greater understanding of life’s issues and best equipped to deal with potential challenges” Truth or Myth? Discuss.

How significant is the age gap? Is age just a number?

Are single people reluctant to marry divorced people and if so, why? Conversely, are divorced people reluctant to marry singles, and why?

Is it true that marriage between 2 previously divorced people is likely to be successful as they both share the same matrimonial history?

“You’re not a “divorcee” unless you’re going through it. Afterwards, you’re just single. Imagine having a business fail or losing a basketball game then introducing yourself as a “game loser” or “business failure” forever. You are not your past unless you condemn yourself to it” Discuss.

Is it necessary for us to change our expectations with changing circumstances as we get older? Do we still apply the same checklist that we had when we were 25?

Have some of us been single for so long and/or have our commitments/ responsibilities changed so dramatically over the years that living together with someone 24/7 may not now be practical or even possible? Can you think of a halal solution to this dilemma? Living together apart?

To what extent is self-righteousness holding us back? Do we have an inability to accept criticism and other people’s perspectives?

Has suffered a bad or painful experience in the past impacted your ability to trust another person making it difficult to have an optimistic outlook?

Healing from an abusive/ narcissistic relationship? What are the signs of arrogance & narcissism? How do we try to deal with trauma? Professional help?

Is self-love important in a relationship?

Let’s meet to get to know each other and discuss … and remember not to lose hope and faith!

Light refreshments will be provided, but if you have any allergies please bring some refreshments of your own.

PLEASE NOTE – Venue details to be confirmed closer to the time (due to the ongoing COVID situation) and we’ll email all who have registered AND confirmed attendance. The venue will be within easy walking distance from a central London Tube station.Soul Connexions (Habib and Imtiaz)

07804917604/07795955025